Many of us worry in our relationships. When will it end? Will he/she still love me in X years? What if? What if? So, in order to fight my own insecurities, I went to Google and this is what I came up with. Hopefully it can help you in your relationships as I hope it will for me. The following is a bunch of notes compiled from today’s research.
“I went through a phase about 2-3 months into my relationship where my insecurities kicked in: When is the other shoe going to drop? What’s the catch? Realistically, the act of riddling yourself with anxiety is like trying to look ahead using a vision and mentality that’s essentially made up of your beliefs, unhealthy, unrealistic and otherwise, and asking ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall, how am I going to eff this up and fall?’ ‘I need to know if this is going to work out’ a friend insisted recently. I told her it’s a bit like seeking assurances that the person isn’t going to get ill, run down, or have a bad day some time, or that even if they don’t know you, that they must know right now whether they see a future with you. You need to be putting in the energy, effort, and emotion and enjoying and engaging in your relationship now.“How about you live the relationship first, get to know them, and enjoy the present?”
“Rather than enjoying getting to know a new person, we worry about when they will reject us. Rather than having fun on our dates, we worry that we will do or say something to frighten them off. And rather than experiencing the joy of falling in love, we worry about how and when it’s going to end.“The problem is, in many of these cases, that risk of being hurt is completely imaginary. It’s very often based on projection: we look at current situations through the lens of our past experiences. While experience is a valuable learning tool, our frame of reference can get distorted, and we draw incorrect conclusions.“When you’re present at the start of a new relationship, you’re simply enjoying your time together. You don’t worry about where it’s going, or if he will dump you first, or if you will get married and have 2.4 children. You’re simply there, having a good time. And believe me when I say that you will be far less anxious, and far more likely to be a good date!“Worry is what drives our need to predict our relationship future. If you can learn to stop worrying so much, you will find yourself feeling better about the present, not just in your love life.”
“Ignore, deny, detach, dis-identifiy with negative thinking, that’s all. It just takes some practice and discipline initially to not feed negative thoughts with attention. Make this your natural way of living, in that you don’t allow yourself to ever focus/identify with negative thoughts in your brain (no matter what arguments come forth for it).”